The histology from my 3^rd operation was clear of cancer!

I was obviously delighted but, to be honest, had expected that result. As my whole body has effectively been ‘bleached with chemo’ it would have been a bit of a shocker (and worrying) if any cancer cells had been detected in the tissue they removed. It was still great to hear and I’m hoping that means that I am now cancer free (although this is only a presumption as I haven’t had a scan to confirm this).

Next stop is radiotherapy and I have a phone consultation with my oncologist this week when hopefully she will talk me through how it’s going to work and when it’s going to happen. It’s the last stop on this pretty long journey and I’m keen to get there.

On a different topic I thought I’d update you on my hair re-growth. It’s now been almost 2 months since the day I had my last chemo and for a couple of weeks after that date I still had eyebrows falling out. However, I can safely say that my hair is starting to return all over my body.

Starting with my head, it seems to be growing quickest at the sides (making me look a bit like a bald man). The first hair that comes through is light and fluffy and then it seems to thicken up as it grows. There are quite a lot of, what look like, white hairs (no surprise there I guess) but I’m also encouraged to see quite a few dark ones coming through too, at least I know I’m not completely grey just yet! It feels like it’s growing slowly but I think that’s only because I’m in lockdown with very few distractions and looking at it every day. I will wait until I have a decent amount all over and then take the clippers to it so that it is at least even in length. I’m also told that cutting it (which feels counterintuitive) will help it grow better and thicker in the long run. Everyone always says to me that it may come back curly, but I can’t see any signs of that at the moment.

Other exciting news is that I have the beginnings of new eyebrows. By the end of March, they had all completely fallen out which left my whole eye area looking very bald without make-up. For ages I kept applying the eyebrow serum and they just weren’t appearing and then suddenly I saw new growth and since then it has developed pretty quickly. Right now, I would say you can see definite shadows above my eyes where the hairs are coming through.

I also have tiny new eyelashes on the top and bottom of each eye, which I can only see in my magnified mirror, but they are already giving my eyes a bit of colour which they really needed. It’s surprising just how bare and odd your eyes look with no hair and no make-up. As Max (my eldest son) confirmed I did have a bit of a look of Lord Voldemort (for any non-Harry Potter fans, look him up – he’s scary looking).

The very fine hairs in my nose must also be making an appearance as I’m pleased to report it’s no longer dripping anywhere near as much as it was (which is always good during a global pandemic). The lack of hair in my nose was probably the most annoying hair loss as I literally had to have a tissue with me at all times otherwise my nose would run onto my face or the floor (much to my kids’ amusement).

Finally, I have seen the emergence of the one annoying hair that resides on my top lip – well I guess you can’t have the good without the bad. I’m sure my legs and arm pits will be next.

So, the final thing to talk about is Tamoxifen which is another weapon in my armory for the fight against The Breast Cancer Beast returning. My particular type of breast cancer is hormone receptive which basically means that the estrogen in my body feeds the cancer cells and helps them to grow. Tamoxifen is known as a selective estrogen receptor modulator (SERM) and it blocks estrogen in the body – great for fighting cancer, not so great for lots of other things.

Estrogen develops and maintains the reproductive system (not so vital for me now), it contributes to cognitive health (definitely still need that), the strength of your bones (yes please) and the function of your cardiovascular system (crucial) as well as other bodily processes. So, as you can see, stripping it out of my body for the fight against cancer potentially comes at a huge cost. I guess you can’t have it all.

I was told I could take my Tamoxifen 2 weeks after my operation (it can also increase the chance of blood clots) which was technically a couple of weeks ago now. The box has been sitting on my kitchen worktop staring at me for some time and I have been putting off taking it.

Post chemo I am already having symptom of the menopause. My periods stopped 5 months ago, I get regular flushes and very disturbed sleep, so I suspect my estrogen levels have already dropped from my pre-cancer days. Having said that, I can cope with all of that at the moment and feel pretty good, but after reading another of the ‘booklets of doom’ from the breast care nurses on menopause/Tamoxifen I suspect things will get worse once I start taking the tablets.

My coping levels during treatment for cancer have been pretty robust to date and I put that down to the fact that I knew, however bad things got, it would come to an end and I could move on. Unfortunately, I know once I start taking Tamoxifen what ever joys it brings with it, I’m stuck with….…for years. I have been reluctant to take that step knowing I can’t really come back from it.

But, this journey has had lots of unpleasant things to deal with along the way and so far, I’ve done pretty well at coping with whatever has been thrown at me. So, today, I have put on my positive pants and taken the plunge. Half a tablet of my daily dose is working its way into my bloodstream as I type and the other half will be taken tonight before bed.

If I want to have the absolute best chance of this cancer not returning (and I do for my family’s sake as well as my own) I need to embrace my Tamoxifen (or Tamoxibollocks as I affectionately call it – stolen from a book I read) and deal with the consequences in whatever way I need to.

For now, I am going to let the magic happen and rest assured, I will report back.