It’s scary just how quickly life can change – Dave and I experienced this back on September 16^th last year when we heard those 15 fateful words ‘we have your test results Mrs Blackwood and we have detected cancer in both breasts’, but I didn’t expect to experience another major life change quite so soon.

I’m writing this post in a very different climate to the last post I wrote only 3 weeks ago and before I reflect on the current situation I am going to update you on my last chemo session.

I am so pleased to be able to report that it took place as planned on Friday 20^th March. This time my liver was behaving itself and my enzymes had dropped to just above normal which was fantastic news for me. I had been so desperate for my final chemo not to be delayed that I had googled ‘foods to help detox the liver’ and as a result had been eating copious amounts of kale (it’s actually alright) grapefruits, oranges and drinking hot water and lemon and avoiding meat where possible. I’d love to think this had helped, maybe it did, maybe it made no difference, but either way the end result was what I wanted.

Sadly, I couldn’t take anyone with me for my final session, totally understandable in the current climate, but still, a real shame. When it’s your last one it feels quite momentous. It’s not only the beginning of the end of an 18-week journey but it is also another obstacle ticked off the list. One step closer to the end of treatment. Probably more importantly, it’s the last time you have to sit there knowing you are being pumped with poison. Psychologically it’s massive. I had planned to take my good friend Heidi (who has been to 3 of the 5 already) and both of us were gutted, especially as at the last one we were laughing so much I kept kinking the IV line and the machine kept beeping.

Dave dropped me off at the door and in I went. I had baked ‘Millionaires Shortbreads’ for the nurses, they had recently discovered my love of baking and appreciated any ‘donations’. For me, I love baking and if I could help give them a little lift with a cuppa when they needed it, it was the least I could do. The session passed without any problems and I was sat with the men on the ‘prostate cancer’ side so got chatting to a couple of them and made the most of the situation. I also Face Timed Heidi so she felt involved too!

When the Docetaxel (the Domestos of Chemotherapy as my oncologist refers to it) was all in, the nurse said she could remove my PICC line. It had been in place since December 5^th, so I was very excited for it to come out and no longer have to shower with a plastic sleeve on or be careful about knocking it.  She pulled the thin wire out in a few seconds but there was a small plastic device just against the skin which had two small metal hooks that were just inside the arm holding things in place. She needed to jiggle this about to get it out which resulted in a couple of deep breaths (and quite a lot of blood) but nothing more. Just like that it was gone, and it felt great to have my arm free again.

I had bought the nurses a couple of boxes of ‘Hotel Chocolat’ chocolates (my personal favourite because they feel decadent) as a thank you. I have been visiting the unit for 15 weeks, (and will still need to go back) sometimes once a week sometimes up to 3 times a week. Every time the nurses are smiling, chatty, friendly, supportive and basically just ‘angels on legs’. They deserved a thank you at the very least. As I handed them over I found myself overwhelmed with emotion and had a little cry. As one of the nurses hugged me I said to her ‘I don’t know why I’m crying, it’s a happy moment’ and she assured me lots of people feel the same on their last session. It even makes me feel emotional writing about it now.

As I walked out of the double doors of the unit Dave was waiting for me, we had a massive hug and we both had more tears. He clearly felt overwhelmed with emotion too.

I would have loved to have gone out for lunch with Heidi or dinner with my family to mark the occasion but the current COVID 19 situation didn’t allow for this. Instead Heidi came and sat in my garden (in the cold) and chatted to me through the kitchen door – there’s true friendship right there.

So, as I write this I am a week on from that final chemo and again I’m so pleased to be able to say it’s been ok. I’ve not had any side effects that have knocked me off my feet or made me feel rotten just lots of little annoying ones that are a bit miserable. I’ve had flushing in the face, sore eyes, sore nails, tiredness, constipation and my taste has all changed again. If I’m honest it’s the change in taste that I find hardest to deal with because everything you eat, or drink just tastes weird and basically just makes life a bit joyless.  

Earlier in the week I also had lots of hot flushes in the evening and through the night and was struggling to sleep as a result, but they seem to have worn off as the drugs leave my system. I know they’ll be back with vengeance when I start taking the Tamoxifen, but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.

I’m feeling pretty much back to normal now (except for my taste which may take a while to come back…oh and the constipation) and I just keep thinking that every day that passes the drugs will be leaving my system for good and my body can hopefully start to recover. My liver enzymes can return to normal and the orange hue under every one of my fingernails can start to grow out. My eyelashes can grow again (I have tiny miniscule ones appearing already) and my eyebrows can also grow back. My hair is already starting to reappear, I have some very short, fluffy hairs already some of which are dark but most of which (I’m mortified to admit) are white!! Max said to me just today, ‘I like your new hair Mum, except it looks a bit like a dog that’s been neglected’ – I think there was meant to be a compliment in there somewhere!

In this current, scary climate in which Covid-19 seems to be raging I am so grateful to have finished my chemotherapy. I couldn’t have cut if finer if I’d tried. My last one fell on the day the schools closed, but at least it’s done. I hear some people’s chemo might be delayed and that would be really hard to deal with psychologically and I really feel for those people.

Which brings me onto Covid -19 – I had meant to comment on it in this blog but as usual I have wittered on for too long about my final chemo. So, I will post this blog and write another in the next few days about my thoughts on the current situation and how it is affecting me personally. After all, I have plenty of time on my hands and nowhere to go!

Until the next blog, stay home and stay safe.