IT’S NEGATIVE!!!

I am so thrilled I can’t tell you.

It feels like the first piece of good news Dave and I have sat and listened to since my diagnosis in September and since we stepped onto the ‘breast cancer roller coaster’.

I went to see my oncologist again this afternoon. It’s the first time I’ve seen her since I initially met her and she explained the treatment I’d be having. I was hoping she would have my BRCA results, but it wasn’t the first thing she mentioned when we entered the room. She started by asking me how I was and the later said ‘did you receive my letter about your gene testing?’ Obviously, I hadn’t but I presume it’s on its way to me.

For the first time in a while I felt nervous waiting for my appointment today because I knew the result of the gene testing would determine the path I followed after my chemo had finished. Had it been positive it would have meant a double mastectomy and both ovaries removed, more drains, more time off work, possible reconstructive surgery etc etc

A negative result means a much less complicated path to follow. I need to have just one more small operation to ensure clear margins on my 3rd tumour and once I have recovered from that a month of radiotherapy followed by 10 years of Tamoxifen, oh and a forced menopause – but I’ll still take all of that over a positive BRCA result!

The other real positive is that it means that my cancer does not have any implications for anyone else in my family which I am very relieved about.

My oncologst also discussed my treatment with me today. She seemed really pleased with how I’d coped so far with the first type and I asked her if  I should expect the second type I’m having (sessions 4-6) to be worse. She said it really varies from person to person but the second type (Docetaxel) generally causes less sickness but can make people very tired and their muscles and joints ache (similar to flu like symptoms). So at least forewarned is forearmed as they say.

For now, today is a very good day.

Of the 11 obstacles (I know about) I am over 5 of them.

I have chemo number 3 this Friday (17th) and that will take me over the 6th obstacle and exactly halfway through my chemotherapy sessions.

I have realised that, for me, one of the scariest aspects of this cancer journey has been the waiting and the fear of the unknown.

Waiting for diagnosis, waiting for histology results, not knowing how the chemo will affect you, not knowing how you’ll cope with hair loss andnot knowing what’s next on the journey. As I’m approaching halfway through, my results are in, my hair is out and I have a couple of chemo’s under my belt.

Whilst I know I still have a long way to go, the fear and worry is dissipating and being replaced with a sense of calm and control.

Finally, it is starting to feel as though I have a grip on this cancer instead of it having a grip of me.

The beast is still here, I am still waking with it, but I can finally start to imagine the moment we go our separate ways.