Friday 3rd January 2020.

It’s a new year, a new decade and a week after my second chemotherapy session.

Before I talk about how I’m feeling let me wish you all a very happy new year! I genuinely hope that you celebrated in style and have high hopes and aspirations for the new year ahead.

I’ll be honest, it’s been strange new year for me. I’m entering a new year knowing in advance that a large proportion of it is probably going to be shit. I’m not saying that in a self-pitying way or even in the hope of sympathy, it’s just a fact. I have 4 more chemo sessions ahead, at least 1 operation, a month of radiotherapy and the glorious menopause on my horizon for 2020. That’s why it’s weird, I don’t think in the history of my life to date, have I started a new year with advanced knowledge that at least 6 months of it could be pretty bleak. (I guess I have been lucky to date).

Having said all of that, Dave and I discussed this on NYE, I’ve duly processed it and filed it away and as a result I am not feeling bleak at all. In fact, I am absolutely ready to get through everyone of those obstacles and throw some good times in the middle of them all for good measure. I have a process that needs to be got through but I’ll be damned if I can’t enjoy myself somewhere along the line.

The great news is that I seemed to have coped pretty well so far with Chemo 2. I’ve had a bit of heartburn again and am drinking gallons of water to keep my bowels moving (possibly more information that you needed to know) and a few mouth ulcers have appeared over the last couple of days. However, apart from that I haven’t even felt as tired this session as last time and I haven’t had the back ache so really can’t complain at all. I can even still taste everything!

Things may change next session but for the time being I am grateful for small mercies. It has allowed me to enjoy Christmas and New Year with my family and that is priceless.

What has been interesting is the hair (or lack of) situation. It’s now been 10 days since I shaved it off on Christmas Eve. I very quickly adapted to the Sinead O’Connor (and optimistically Demi Moore) look as did Dave and the boys. In fact, I spent most of Christmas ‘embracing the shave’ with nothing on my head at all, pleasantly surprised at how quickly I got used to it. However, after about 5 days I moved from the Sinead O’Connor look to a sort of scabby, mongrel dog look which pleased me less. Basically, the stubbly bits started to fall out too, but annoyingly not in a nice synchronised manner. Like a baby I must have been rubbing them off as I slept resulting in patches, some of which were balder (and greyer) than others.

So, a couple of nights ago, having had enough of the scabby dog look, I asked Dave to take a razor blade to my head. Understandably, he was a bit reticent at first but did a great job of removing any stubborn stubble. We did laugh at the fact we hoped it would be the first and last time he needed to ‘shave his wife’.

Now that’s done, I’ve moved firmly into a Gail Porter look. It takes a bit of getting used to again because now I definitely look like I have cancer (or alopecia) as opposed to a cool buzz cut. Also, my head (whilst a nice shape) is extremely white! So much so that I’m slightly embarrassed to admit that I’ve rubbed in a bit of gradual tanning moisturiser on today in the hope it takes the shine off!

The hair journey is now over. It will look exactly as it does now until to starts to grow back (hopefully around May) and that will be a whole new chapter again. Apparently, hair grows on average ½ an inch a month so it will be a fairly slow process.

Interestingly, I think my nose hairs have fallen victim to the chemo too as I have noticed my nose running a lot more. I was warned about this but had conveniently forgotten.

So, for now I just need to get used to my new image, whether it be me in a wig or me totally bald. Whilst neither option is my ideal, I haven’t yet decided which I prefer and may well just switch between the two, with a hat in the house to keep the cold at bay.

Before chemo number 3 (hopefully January 17th) I am likely to receive the results of my BRCA gene test. I am hoping, beyond hope, that it comes back negative………..I’ll keep you posted.