On the 6th day of Christmas my true love gave to me….chemo-ther-a-py!

Friday 6th December 2019 my first chemo session.

I was initially given an appointment time of 4pm which was then pushed back to 4.30pm. I couldn’t help thinking it was a bit of a naff slot really as I knew I’d be waiting around all day, potentially getting anxious, until it was time to go.

As it happened, I kept myself pretty busy (there’s a surprise) doing jobs in town, making a curry, having a catch up with a friend and generally trying not to focus on what was coming towards me.

Dave had wanted to come with me, at least for my first session, but when we got the time of 4pm it made it difficult because of the boys so we decided he would stay at home and I would ask a good friend to take me. She was picking me up at 3.45pm.

When I came to say goodbye to Dave, he enveloped me in a massive hug, wished me luck and told me it’d be fine and he’d be waiting for me when I got home. When I pulled away from him, I saw tears in his eyes and him trying to hold it together. My big, stoic, Northern Irish hubby, my rock had been brought to tears by what this horrible disease is putting me through.

I ran out of the door, composed myself for thirty seconds on the doorstep and then dashed to my friends waiting car. ‘Let’s do this’ I said as I jumped in. I was wearing a t shirt (so they could access my PICC line) underneath my shirt and the logo said ‘Fearless’ – I’m not sure it was strictly true but made me feel strong.

I had been to the Aylesford unit (where they administer the chemo) three times prior to this visit and each time I had cried over something. I was determined today to try and get in and out without tears, not that there’s anything wrong with tears, I just didn’t want to be known as ‘Blackwood the Crier’.

We arrived pretty early and sat in the reception area waiting to be called. Almost as soon as we’d sat down one of the nurses came over and asked me would I like a ‘care package’, they are given out to people going through their first chemotherapy session and have been organised by a lady who has been through the same treatment and wanted to do something for other patients. It was such a lovely gesture that I very nearly broke down in tears there and then! She handed me a huge hamper full of lovely products from toiletries to nail varnish, chocolate and tissues – it was like they knew me personally. The label on the side also had ‘young female adult’ which made me smile.

I was soon called through and I left my friend looking after my package and bag.

I’ll admit I had to take a pretty big deep breath as I walked through those doors. You have to make a big psychological adjustment to be able to go for chemo, especially when you are feeling as well as I was. The weird thing about this whole journey is that from finding the lump in July to this point I haven’t felt ill from breast cancer. I’ve been through biopsies and two operations and am putting myself through 6 rounds of chemo all whilst feeling perfectly well. Having said that, I’ve made the psychological adjustments necessary and I know it needs to happen.

The unit was really busy and you could tell the staff were under the pump. I saw my friend from the gym which was lovely and then I was shown to my ‘chair of doom’. The nurses perform the necessary checks, blood pressure, temperature etc and then they basically start to prepare your chemo. My mate who had come with me was shown into the unit and found a chair so that she could sit and keep me company. As I glanced around the unit it confirmed once again that cancer is totally indiscriminate – it can get anyone and everyone. Sadly though, I still felt like I was the youngest person in there.

Once the liquid is hooked up to your PICC line and starts going in, a nurse stays close by and watches you for any reactions. I could feel a very slight burning sensation as it went in so they turned down the speed at which it was going into my line. I was having a combination of two types of chemo and the first one was bright red, once that had finished the machine beeped consistently for a while. I could sense my friend getting concerned about the beeps and whether they were normal (she was just looking out for me) and I joked to her ‘do you think I’m in cardiac arrest?’.

The second lot was administered and all up it probably only took about an hour to get the chemo into my system. At the end of the second lot my vision felt a little blurry, not horrendous, just a bit out of focus. My friend asked the nurse if this was normal and she said it can be. It soon passed and everything went back to normal.

During the process the nurse treating me had organised medication for me to take home with me and briefed me on how to use it. There were anti sickness tablets for 2 days after treatment and different anti sickness medication to use if necessary. There were also 7 days’ worth of injections I needed to give myself to increase my white blood cells and she briefed me on how to do this. It was a lot to take in but my friend typed excellent notes and texted them to me.

It was all over about 6.30pm by which time the unit was much quieter and calmer. It became apparent though, chatting to the nurses, that they very rarely make it home on time. They are really dedicated and it makes me grateful every day for the health service we have, I know I am in good hands.

My friend and I left the unit about 6.40pm and headed home to start our respective Friday nights.

For me, it felt like a waiting game.

Waiting for it to take effect.

Waiting to see how I felt.

Waiting to see if I could cope.